Trust

Trust…

It’s a scary thing to be walking in a season not knowing in a few weeks where I’m going to lay my head at night. These couple of months have rattled something within me spiritually that I haven’t felt in a long time.

It seems like all around me, the current tests that the Lord is choosing to walk me through are all centered around my core needs being threatened. In 30 days where will I call my home? – I have no clue…

In this season – He’s revealed and called me to walk through a phase of healing that needs to take place in my heart. This means laying down a family relationship and placing some lines down that will cause a rift.

For the past 9 months, it meant walking through a physical condition – one that doctors, tests, blood work and ultrasounds could not reveal the root cause of. It meant pushing through with a smile on my face each day when only a close few knew what was physically happening inside of me.

Despite it all, I know that this is for my growth and refining that will take me into the deeper places of trust with my Lord. It’s in the sadness, panic and uncertainty that I realized I have the opportunity to exercise my faith in a new way that I have yet to face.

I can choose to identify with Jesus – who called His disciples to follow a different kind of life – knowing that He Himself was calling them to a place of faith and uncertainty of not knowing where they would call home.

This great exchange came with the most dynamic, personal and life-changing experiences that the disciples could ever hope for. To walk the hard road meant to experience the Kingdom of God here on earth with Jesus Himself.

To deny self and replace those desires with one’s from above came with a reward that one could only dream to see living a life of ministry and mentorship alongside of Jesus.

I can choose to follow Jesus’ words and believe them when He says that those who have to leave father, mother, sister or brother behind for His sake will not only benefit in this life – but in the one to come. Placing these new boundaries for the benefit of my own healing is something that still feels selfish for me – but it’s part of the road to freedom that I have a choice to walk ahead.

I could choose to believe the words of Daniel – even if my physical relief didn’t come now, that I serve the God who is still good. Despite any condition of the body, I can be at peace to know all it takes is just one word to change my situation. This peace of mind comes from the same God who says He will tend to our broken hearts and the broken places as we walk with Him.

There’s something about uncertainty that pokes at the deepest fears within a person. It reveals areas of brokenness, lack of trust and a sobering reminder of my own desire to keep control in all things.

Saying yes to Jesus means giving up my control. Not to a harsh dictator – but to One who divinely and lovingly knows what path is always best for me. Even if the worst-case scenario in my mind takes place – I can know for certain in His omniscience that was His best plan for me. That’s not an easy realization to accept – but it’s truth.

Walking the way of the cross came with fears, questions and doubts for the disciples as well – but ultimately revealed the greatest display of powers the world has ever experienced.

In our faith, we have a choice to continue walking that road. To accept that situations don’t always turn out as we imagine and even if reasons are unknown to us – we can still know that He is good.

In my brokenness in this season – I struggled and scattered to find solutions in all things but in the Provider, Restorer and Great Physician. All pieces of His character that I know well, but so quickly forgot in the middle of this disconnected season.  

So, do I continue to scatter to figure things out in my own strength? Up until now that’s caused more confusion and panic within me. It’s in the scrambling that I slowly learned to find my way towards surrender. Surrender… Surrender is to cease resistance or to submit to an authority.

So why did it take me so long to realize the One I was resisting was the One who never left me? Whose authority over my life was actually meant to help me thrive. Months of piled on hurts, offenses, overlooking, etc. left me more disillusioned than I had even realized.

The surrender I avoided was to the One who was going to help put me back together. To address the areas of my heart that needed His touch and comfort. It’s been a sobering season of realizing that even after 30+ years of walking with Jesus, it will sometimes take this long for me to find my place of comfort and correction with Him.

In my own pain and stubbornness, I chose to self-medicate. For me, in the worst kind of way – with distractions. In the busyness…in the distractions – I don’t have to face the hard places. I can stay numb and choose to coast day to day living on this setting of survival.

I consider myself to be pretty self-aware. This year, I’ve walked the road of shame for too long. For one who desires to show others the thriving life that Jesus provides, I’ve allowed myself to walk a road of disillusion, coping and denial for far too long.

Through the trials of this season are where I am finding my place back to surrender. Through the confusion is where I am finding my way back to connection of the One who provides all wisdom at my disposal. Through the shame is where I am experiencing the unending grace of God that He extends to me.

What once was a denial of pain has now turned into an invitation. I have picked myself back up in these recent months to fight for that connection with Christ that I once had. Day by day it’s getting better. Moment by moment I know He’s meeting me in the places that I can’t see.

What I once chose to ignore, I now see as an invitation. The invitation is a call to follow and resemble the One whose name I claim. In my season of trial, He’s provided a gracious opportunity to identify with Him in ways I’ve never known.

To walk a road of uncertainty as the disciples once did. Uncertainties in home, health and relationships – knowing that this journey would produce a refining from within, restore a sense of identity and calling and renew a deep love for the One who gave it all for me.

He gives freely and without measure. He is good even when I can’t see the whole picture. He’s working on my behalf and is for me regardless of the situations I face. And when I am far off – He extends to me a grace that I don’t deserve to call me back home.

Over these past months, at my lowest, is when I’ve seen one of the Lord’s greatest acts of love and mercy towards me. Because of the physical condition I faced, each day left me completely depleted and offered an excuse to dismiss the fight to find my connection with Jesus once again.

Mark 5:25-34 says:

²⁵ And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, ²⁶ and who had suffered much under many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was no better but rather grew worse. ²⁷ She had heard the reports about Jesus and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his garment. ²⁸ For she said, “If I touch even his garments, I will be made well.” ²⁹ And immediately the flow of blood dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of her disease. ³⁰ And Jesus, perceiving in himself that power had gone out from him, immediately turned about in the crowd and said, “Who touched my garments?” ³¹ And his disciples said to him, “You see the crowd pressing around you, and yet you say, ‘Who touched me?’” ³² And he looked around to see who had done it. ³³ But the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came in fear and trembling and fell down before him and told him the whole truth. ³⁴ And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.”

For the last 9 months – I was this woman. With no cause or explanation that a doctor could see – I lived each day in great discomfort, inconvenience and frustration. Month after month, test after test left me with no plan, relief or clarity as to why it wouldn’t stop.

I sat with this story for quite a time and asked the Lord to show me what that touch of His garment would be for me now. What was I supposed to do or to pursue of Him to make this any better?

So many things began to stand out to me as I meditated on this passage day by day. Ultimately, the desire from a seemingly dying heart, rose up from within me. Daughter. Yes, daughter! That’s all that I want.

Although I was doing better in my pursuit of the Lord, it still felt like I was missing something in our relationship that I used to have. I asked God to bring me back to that place where I could just be His daughter. I didn’t want to strive or try to prove or ask anything of Him – I just wanted to be. To be still in His presence and let Him remind me that even after I pulled away, He still calls me His daughter. That I’m not too far gone to be brought back. And to be reminded that His love was unconditional. Instead of healing, I pursued to get back to that place of feeling more like His kid without seeking anything in return.

It was in this time that the Lord reminded me of the call to prayer that He provided to us through the book of James. Just like this woman’s faith made her well, I was reminded of the words that James spoke to the people for those who were sick and suffering. The call to action was to ask for prayer and anointing from the elders of the church.

We don’t always know why God chooses to heal in the ways that He does or why the solution He offers can sometimes seem a bit odd – but a big part of me appreciates that about Him because we cannot put God in our box. We cannot predict that this way or that way will always be the solution to our problem.

He is God and He is sovereign and I find comfort knowing that I will never know everything about the God I worship on this side of heaven. His ways are beyond mine and that’s something I greatly appreciate knowing.

After a final doctor’s appointment where I was told I have no more recommended steps to pursue because they were stumped – I remembered what the Lord told me and decided that this was the week to pursue prayer from my church family.

I was grateful to have a safe place to share these difficulties with the leaders who are close to me. I had the opportunity for some very dear people to pray over me and petition God for healing that day. And from that very hour, I experienced a true miracle.

What no earthly doctor could do – my Great Physician did. He answered my prayers and healed me from that day on. It’s now been six weeks that I’ve walked completely free. Free of any trace that I ever dealt with this issue. Free of the discomfort, inconvenience, pain and frustration I carried.

In the midst of a trying season, the Lord still chose to show me that He is still willing to heal. He knew the parts of my heart that needed to be reached the most. He knew that in order to draw me back permanently, I needed to face something that I never faced before – and which no amount of distraction tactics could mask.

The desire to stay close for who He is has finally come alive back in my heart. The dead places are awakening and the disillusionment is now been replaced with an absolute awe of His grace. His love, mercy and peace were extended to me in ways that I had never experienced before.

The way of the cross requires us to know our place. If I am to be a servant of Christ, I must understand surrender. It requires the reminder that though the traveled road may be unpredictable or uneasy at times – those who are called, beloved, and kept will experience His love, mercy and peace in abundance. He gives freely and without measure to us.

In a season where I am facing different layers of being shaken, I have been trying to remind myself of what He just did for me. Too often in this season I have been much like the Israelites who experience the works of God and quickly go back to old routines and forget the former ways He’s shown up to meet needs.

When I look back on my specific trials of this season, I see how each one addresses a root fear within me. It still pinches a nerve that causes me to squirm at my core. This is how I know God is continuing to work things out for my good.

It means there is more to be revealed, accomplished and refined in order that I could look more like the example of my Savior, Jesus. The root fears within me will be cast out in His name because I choose to trust the One who holds my past, present and future in His hands.

The invitation to die to self cannot be fully attained if you don’t know what remains inside of you. The remnants within me that do not resemble Christ need to go. The parts of my heart that still choose my will over His need to be surrendered. The piece of me that holds onto control must realize that I am not the Master, but simply am the servant.

The call to surrender, to servanthood, to identify with my Savior is a privilege and not something to be feared. Whether I know where home will be, whether father or mother forsake me, or whether healing doesn’t come on this side of heaven – I know the One in whom I trust. I know the call to follow comes at a cost. And I know that the reward both here and the time to come will be worth the fight.

Even as I write this, I have a new found appreciation of the day where I get to look Jesus in the face and thank Him for even the littlest of ways that He offered to me to be able to share in the parts of who He is. He wants us to be that close. He wants to show me the way of the cross. The way that leads to utter trust and dependence on the only One who has power over all. The way that shows me I am completely and truly His daughter.

Each season is an opportunity to pivot into the person God is calling me to be. I can choose to accept the invitation or to walk my own path – but I have experienced too much of Jesus in my life to ever take the road that leads me away from Him.  

In a few weeks, I may not have a home – but neither did Jesus. I may have to say goodbye to family – but so did Jesus, and I may wonder why He chose a medical issue to get my attention– but He knew what would bring me home. I know in each one of these, I have been given an invitation to experience Him in ways I never have before. Each bringing a new step of faith, depth of character and a level of refinement in me that was needed to make me more like Him.

The call to identify with Christ is not for the faint of heart – but what a privilege to know the God of the universe invites us to know Him so intimately. We are bracing for a time to come. As believers, we know what will unfold in the future and how the story ends here on earth.

If I am weak now, how will I endure the times to come? The invitation to identify with Christ is a training ground. I am not alone in the fire because He is with me. I am no longer who I once was because He lives in me. And I am not left without hope because He is my source.

In The Fire

“Fire tests the purity of silver and gold, but the Lord tests the heart.” – Proverbs 17:3 

 

The fire that it takes to purify the elements of gold and silver are hot, intense, and refining. It’s not until each of these conditions come into play that we can begin to see a new transformation take place. Something that was once common, dull, and lackluster now becomes unique, glowing, and vibrant once it has faced the fire. It’s also a great picture of what the Lord can do with us as we surrender the things in our life that need to experience change or transformation. The only difference is that in order to experience such a dramatic change in our before/after, those areas need to be surrendered to the Lord and not attempted in our own strength. When we surrender our hearts in total devotion to God, He will meet us in communion with all the fullness of His power and glory.

It’s during our trial processes that the impurities of life are drawn out of us. This heat can feel intense at times but as Christians we know the value that is held in the refining process. It is here that we can be separated from the things we say and do that don’t belong in us. These areas are now free to come in contact with the healing and transforming power of the Lord Himself. The transformation that takes place when a surrendered life meets our Lord should be one that would be unrecognizable to your former self.

As Paul wrote, we are to put off the old man full of deceitful desires and replace that with the new man who pursues holiness. A key component of our walk with God should be a continuous pursuit in our personal sanctification. In this process, God can show us what needs to be rid of us, so that we can better learn to trust and experience Him fully. It is after we go through the fire that we can see what we were truly made up of. What comes out of you when you are put through the fire? Does your attitude resemble the frustrations of the world or is it more like something we’d see coming from the pages of the living Scriptures from Jesus Himself?

The second portion of this verse states that “the Lord tests the heart.” There is nothing truer to discern man’s heart than a single gaze from the Lord upon your life. Nothing is ever hidden from Him, nor can there be any better test than for the Lord Himself to examine the deepest parts of your heart and mind. Examination brings new life to one’s faith. It can bring a time of refreshment, reconnection, and rededication when you are confronted by the fact that the Almighty God is the One who sees who you are, what you are made up of, and why you do what you do.

Allow the trials and the fire to refine you into a better, bolder, and brighter image of Christ. A persevering heart that remains in connection with the Lord through trials can be reassured they will also emerge from them with a unique glow testifying of your encounters with the Lord. A person who has surrendered and experienced true transformation by God will naturally be one who gives off the light of His presence as He resides in the heart of the believer.

Contentment In Obedience

“I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I set your rules before me.” – Psalm 119:30

I was recently given the opportunity to speak to a group of women about how we can remain content in obedience as we walk through our different seasons with the Lord. It’s always interesting to me the way the Lord sets us up when we’re given an opportunity to share His words. Before we dare get on any platform to speak, He must walk us through the lesson Himself – deeply testing and refining us in the process, before we can be used humbly as His speaking servant.

When I think about obedience and the Lord, it can easily become overwhelming. I automatically think about what I’m not doing that feels like it isn’t good enough or I’m overtaken by the thoughts of what I have left to pursue with the Lord – but that’s a trap. Obedience towards God doesn’t come from a place of works alone, but of love. Sometimes we complicate things more than they were ever meant to be.

We can desire the depths of the written Word of God and the fullness of all that is laid out before us to experience with Him. These are noble pursuits – but sometimes, even our desire for the depths can derail us in our daily pursuit of obedience. It’s the best place to be when we want more of God, but if we’re honest to evaluate, how much of what we do each day really sows into our next season and fruits that we will reap from our obedience today? Before we can explore the heights with the Lord, we need to be grounded by the truths of His word and mindful of our own motivations in the process.

As we seek to obey in the way we live and what God has asked us to pursue, we also should be mindful that there is a real enemy who seeks to keep us derailed from the abundant life and promises of God that are ours to obtain. This enemy doesn’t mind when we read our bible, attend church, or participate in studies. As long as we keep our knowledge to ourselves and are content to live in the safety of our holy huddle and church bubble – we are no threat to his kingdom agenda. So many of us are walking around with more knowledge, resources, and investment than most global Christians have the opportunity to receive, yet we do the least with what we’ve been given! It’s a sweet spot that the enemy wants us to remain in. To be spiritually full, yet so full of ourselves, that we neglect the very heart of the Lord we claim to be so committed to.

I felt like such a hypocrite when I was preparing to speak about contentment in obedience. I’ve gone through a difficult season and it’s been one that’s kind of drained me in a way I wasn’t expecting. I’ve never felt so discontent in my circumstances than I have in these last few months. There were things I knew I was called to develop that I sat on. I let the discouragement of the day derail me from my calling and purpose. I remember thinking of how excited I would be to share at the end of this season how I achieved my goals because the Lord brought me through. But the reality was that I let myself sit on the sidelines and didn’t give Him the chance to bring me towards victory.

In my feelings of hypocrisy, I only found true comfort from the Lord and His words over me. To see that sharing what we’ve learned doesn’t always have to come from a place of victory. I don’t put everything out there for everyone to see, but I will gladly share the truth with others and let down the guard that whispers that things always have to be going great. It’s more rewarding to share from a perspective of victory, and that’s what we usually seek to do – but it’s not always the story that God is trying to tell with us. We may want things to play out a certain way, but God is looking to see if we’ll truly yield to allowing Him to be the author of the story He’s writing with us.

Sometimes we need to partner alongside others as they’re going through the fire. It’s the place where we’re met with the most authenticity and challenges us to discover how we’re acting on the faith that we profess. Because I know that I’ve found my source from the Lord, I know I can speak freely of any guilt or shame when the overachiever in me wants to only share from the places of victory. I don’t do it on purpose or out of pride, but in genuine excitement to share what the Lord has done and spur others on to experiencing Him in greater ways too…But, it’s been in this time of sorrow that’s become one of the greatest times of revival for my spirit. It’s come at the cost of letting go of things around me in order to allow the Lord to truly be my everything. The process hurts, but I wouldn’t trade what I’ve gained with Him for anything. I’ve found a greater place of depth, prayer, and study that I know will be a launching point as I walk towards completing my own steps of obedience.

He’s shown me more of what can come if I press in to chase after Him with all of my heart. I’ve learned in a greater capacity what it means to be content with Him alone – to be so desperate for His presence, care, and comfort because it’s the only thing that truly satisfies the weary soul. He invites us into the depths with Him if we’re willing to draw near in our pursuit of obedience. As our dependence grows in God alone, the more our love takes root. The deeper we grow in love with Him, the easier it becomes to walk in obedience with humility. Our motivation no longer stems from within ourselves but is birthed out of our deep love for a most holy and deserving God.

When I was asked to speak on this topic, I was given Numbers 15-20 to draw from and study the examples given to us by Moses and the Israelites. If you’ve never read that area of the Scriptures, it’s full of richness, confusion, highlights, and disappointments. There’s a whole spectrum of emotions that you can feel reading through, but even more greatness can be pulled from it. A sobering view of the benefits of our obedience and lack thereof.

I relate so much to Moses in those chapters. Here’s a man trying to follow the leading of the Lord, but he’s continually met with opposition from his own people that he’s trying to lead towards physical and spiritual freedom. Trial after trial from within his camp tests his character, obedience, and the very position given to him by the Lord. I think about the way I would respond, and if I’m honest enough to admit, I would probably say it wouldn’t look a lot like what we see in Moses. I tend to get frustrated and get in my own head when things aren’t going as I’d hoped. What I love about Moses here is that we don’t see a man who felt the need to explain himself to his accusers. Instead, we see a picture of a man who learned through the noise and trials to press in even closer to God – so close, that he became known as a friend of God.

Sit and think about that for a minute. It blows me away every time I read that portion in Exodus and what it truly means to be called a friend of the Almighty God. What would it do for our lives if we – if I, truly understood all there is to gain from pursuing the Lord with everything?! Sometimes we glance over the parts of Scripture that have the greatest impacts and truths. Just for a moment, think about the One who is drawing you into a friendship relationship and consider the meaning of that invitation.

The same God who loved us enough to leave the riches and glory of heaven to come to earth and get dirty in our mess, is the same One who invites us to know Him intimately as we obey. He didn’t just save us for eternity, He’s called us into an open, active, honest, and loving relationship with Himself. His love for us was shown so clearly in the picture of Jesus Christ. His obedience secured our eternity, position, and purpose – this kind of love is so unfathomable! What I see from the example of our Lord’s own obedience is that when we’re motivated by true love – it changes everything!

I look at a text like Numbers 15:17-19 and see a God who is calling His people to a place of obedience and great blessing. He says, “When you come in to the land which I bring you”…The Lord reiterates that the promise is coming, but is also carful in the passage to let His people know there are preparations and conditions in place before they are fully able to experience the abundance to come. That’s a lesson for us today too!

Reading through this book reminded me of the purpose that God had in mind declaring the Israelites as His chosen people. When we think of the purpose of this nation as a powerful picture of God’s love, grace, and presence – it should’ve been more than enough to spur on the watching world. The calling of this nation set apart unto God meant that they were going to be a light and vessel to the world around them. To stir up the curiosities of others and display the blessings of those who have encountered the very person, presence, and truth of the ONE living God.

I hope that hits deep for you – because our mission has not changed today. The Lord continues to give us reminders throughout the Word for a reason. In Numbers 15:39-41, it was a visual reminder given to the people as they continued to place at the forefront of their minds the truth and power of the Word of God. We already know we’re called to remember the Word for ourselves, but the Lord also wants to reach the world through us. When we walk in obedience, we’re not only benefitting ourselves, but we will play a part in radically influencing our world for the Lord in the process. An invitation is given to every believer who desires to acknowledge that call from God.

When we reflect on the plight of the Israelites and they’re current situation as desert wanderers, part of their current struggle came as a result of their failure to acknowledge and remember what God saved them from – a life of captivity. Just like the Israelites, you and I were also freed from our bondage. We were set free from captivity to help others find their freedom too. You have a divine purpose. You’ve been given a unique testimony that is meant to impact the watching world. This kind of story in Numbers isn’t to just read as a historical narrative – it’s for us to walk and experience today as we take steps towards our own obedience.

One thing that I’ve really sat on is the haunting thought of the deception we live with daily – and are ok living in. Please don’t hear that as coming from a place of pride, perfection, or feeling like I have it all walked out already. This comes from a place of deep conviction and heavy burdening as I think of the reality of the days we are in. When it comes to our pursuit of God, we tend to live as though we have all the time in the world to pursue what He’s asked of us. From the smallest detail of obedience to approach a passing stranger to the bigger life decisions that involve our families or finances, we can put His voice on the backburner as we attend to the things on our agenda.

It’s not that what we’re doing is wrong – life gets busy, and God knows how it is for us. But, as you think about your priorities in this season, how much of what you’re pursuing is to actually bring you closer to a place of obedience and depth with our God? We put our sanctification on hold because it’s easy to get wrapped up in the busyness of everyday life and we end up neglecting the Kingdom things which truly matter. My personal conviction lies in this thought – when I look at the Bible and read those red letters spoken by Jesus, I see a very different reality than what we’re living in right now. We live as though we have time to spare, but the reality is that we’re running out of time!

Every day that passes is a day that we are closer to the return of Jesus Christ. I’m truly burdened to consider what will I be doing in those moments of His return? Do the things I prioritize daily take me closer to steps of obedience and intimacy with God or do I allow myself to get caught up in the distractions of the world? If we think about our priorities, our sanctification and growing in our relationship with the Lord is the thing we should be placing first. Those of us who claim Christ as Lord will be spending eternity with Him. What a shame to not know every piece of Him that you could take in while here on earth. Our pursuit of the Lord takes us far into eternity, our pursuits in this world will end and die here with us when we take our last breath.

When I see Jesus face to face, I want to know that I’ve pressed in with everything I had, and to know that I could look in His eyes with nothing but love and adoration rather than fear or regret for wishing I could’ve gone deeper. I’ve been thinking about that moment a lot lately – the day I get to look at His face….my heart can’t contain the emotions I feel thinking about that moment. It’s given me perspective to remember no matter what I’m going through right now, at the end of the day, all that matters comes down to that very moment when I have the joy of seeing His face for the first time. Even as I write that, I’m overcome with emotion at the very thought – I pray this feeling never goes away. God forgive us when we don’t take the time to remember Who we’re living for here on earth.

There’s a call and a cost to our obedience that we must acknowledge before we come to a place of contentment. The reality is that we’ve all been given an invitation to walk in obedience with God. Yes, there are plenty of “commands” in the Bible, but I say invitation, because the bond that God desires from us is relational. He designed us from the very beginning so that we would be close to Him – that we would desire everything He is and live contently believing that He’s enough for us.

What motivates our obedience? If it’s anything other than love, we’re going to fail miserably. The truth is that if the Lord is not the one who captures our attention and does not fully grip our hearts, we’ll never have the right power that we need to be motivated towards walking out contentment in our obedience. There can be no true and lasting transformation with anything we attempt if the Lord is not the one who does the work with us. Our efforts simply cannot last when we walk in our own strength and apart from Him.

It’s intimidating to think of a topic like obedience sometimes. Whether we want to fully admit it or not, I think sometimes a subject like this can feel more like a list of do’s/don’ts if we’re not mindful of the heart behind our call. That’s the view that most of the world takes on as they look at our lives and the God they’ve yet to explore for themselves. But I love how in the economy of God, He takes what the enemy tries to distort and uses it for His glory instead. What the world looks on and sees as an oppressive lifestyle, God looks on and chooses to show us that obedience is actually a call to experiencing His promised abundant life. It’s the principle lived out that God truly works things out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

When I think about my own life, the struggle is so real when it comes to being obedient. What fuels me is remembering the way I’ve felt in those times where I know I’m walking as He wills. In those times of obedience is where I’ve come to experience the greatest joys with the Lord. There is nothing like adventuring with Jesus to really make you feel like you are living! This sweet spot is where the promised abundant life feels the most real to me.

I’ve been fortunate to have some amazing experiences with the Lord. I’ve seen people be set free from sex trafficking, seen miracles where the mute have spoken, I’ve encountered the face of demons and had authority over them, and have ventured all over the world to experience the global church in different settings and service. In all that I’ve had the privilege to experience, nothing has meant more to me than when I’ve been met with the still small voice of God.

Those times when no one else knows what you prayed or what you’re going through and God Himself brings the answer or makes a way…and you know that even in that simple, one-lined, desperate kind of prayer – the Almighty God has heard you, spoken to you, and has chosen to work on your behalf! Nothing makes me feel closer to Him than when He shows me just how personal He is. He knows the ways to reach me and He knows the ways that leave my heart in awe of His presence. Nothing replaces the feeling of knowing that the God of the universe has seen you and chooses to speak to you by name. One of my favorite verses comes from Psalm 40:5. When I’m having trouble with perspective, I look to that verse for comfort. Nothing restores a weary soul more than remembering what God has already done for you.

I share that to ask, what is it that you’re doing today that will also sow into your next seasons? I know the times that I’ve experienced the greatest fruits have been a result of seasons of intentional seeking and walking out the words I’ve already received from the Lord. The decisions we make today have an impact on our future. Jesus Himself spoke frequently about the principle of what we sow and what we’ll reap. We’ll never find real contentment if we always play it safe and ignore the truths set before us in the Scriptures. We won’t see the lasting fruit without putting in the work on the front end.

Just like the Israelites, we can struggle to obey as we go through the day to day routine with the things that capture our attention. The Lord always had to remind the Israelites that the promise was still in sight and He was working in the midst of their wilderness wandering – even when things weren’t making sense. They needed to learn to work through their trials and hold on to the promised hope and future that God was working to bring about.

Our greatest contentment comes in remembering the purpose and calling that God has given us. When we lose sight of why we are here and what we were made for, it’s easy to get derailed and take others down with us as we can see in the example of Korah’s rebellion in Numbers 16. I respect the leadership qualities that we see in Moses as he corrects Korah in verses 8-11. These last chapters have left Moses in a place of constant accusation and complaints from his own people, yet he still remembers to keep at the forefront of his mind that it is the Lord who fights his battle and is there to support him. He speaks with God given authority and simply reminds Korah of the great privilege that he’s already been given as a privileged Levite.

When things aren’t going our way, it’s easy to get caught up in the thoughts of how we think things should be or what we think we should have – it’s entitlement. Let’s call that for what it is. Like Korah, sometimes we don’t realize the gifts and privileges we’ve already been entrusted with and we instead look at other people to seek our place of contentment. It’s good to be reminded that not only has God invited us into obedience, but He’s also uniquely crafted us with gifts, talents, and positions to carry out what He’s already empowering us to do as individuals. We often forget that as working parts of the bigger church body, we need to be given different purposes and positions otherwise the body can’t fully function as it was divinely designed to do. While we’re busy coveting someone else’s call, we’re missing out on the opportunity to experience the empowerment of the Holy Spirit within us and the specific assignment that’s been designed for us.

There’s a lot that we gain when we choose to walk in obedience with the Lord, but I wouldn’t be speaking truth if I didn’t relay that it does come at a cost. We have to truly consider if the pursuit of Christ – not what He gives, but the pursuit of Christ Himself…is He worth sacrificing our comfort for? Passages like these sections of scripture can cause us to feel uneasy as we read them. They’re filled with sacrificial laws, heavy judgements, denials, complaints, and rules that we don’t always understand in today’s worldview. Sometimes it can seem like the measures taken by God can be so drastic, and it makes us uncomfortable or seems unfair in our eyes. But we need to keep the right and holy perspective of our God at all times.

I recently read a book that has fueled some of my current thoughts and has convicted me to the core. This is what Francis Chan has to say about the way we think about our holy God: “To us, many situations in scripture involve a punishment that was too severe for the crime. But why do we feel this way? We don’t understand what it means for something to be sacred. We live in a human centered world among people who see themselves as the highest authority. We are quick to say things like ‘this isn’t fair’, because we believe we deserve certain rights as humans. Yet we give little thought to the rights God deserves as God. Even in the church we can act as though God’s actions should revolve around us.”

Let that just sit with you for a minute. I had to take that in a few times, it was such a powerful word to me.

At least for me, Francis was absolutely right – and I was so convicted! I don’t always give thought to what God is owed, it’s usually about how I feel as a result of a situation. The weight of who our God truly is and what He deserves from us should cause us to fall on our knees with a sense of awe. Seeking to be obedient is often uncomfortable because it doesn’t come naturally to our instincts or desires. If we’re only doing what feels right or comfortable to us, then we’re not actually making Jesus the Lord of our lives.

Jesus makes it very clear in the Gospels what He requires of us to be a disciple. We are exhorted to count the cost before we say yes to His lordship over us. Finding contentment in obedience will mean laying down every part of our will and replacing it with His. If we walked with such intentionality we’d be setting ourselves up for some radical encounters with God – just like what we see in the Scriptures. It comes at the cost of laying down our comfortability and complacency – is His presence really worth that to us?

Counting the cost of obedience is something I’ve far from mastered, but have learned to greater embrace as I’ve grown in my walk with the Lord. I’ve had too many tastes of what it’s like when we allow the Spirit to work through us and it’s a sweet spot I crave to be in. Once you say yes to God and experience what He has for you there can be no turning back. For those who’ve tasted the goodness of the living God, there is no other way to really live! I’ve seen despite my fears, how the Lord has met me in every situation I’ve faced. I know the call that He’s placed on my life and it requires me to be ok with remaining way outside the lines of my own comfort zone. Is it always easy? – No! But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I told the Lord a few years ago that I would never turn down a platform that He’s given me to share His word or take steps of faith because of my own fear or insecurity. How dare I compromise the work of God because I am looking at my own strength instead of clinging on to His. In my own pursuit towards obedience, I’ve learned to develop a greater dependency on God alone and how effective it can be when we learn to replace the lies of the enemy with the Word of Truth. Everything we face can become a training ground if we allow the Lord to use our circumstances that way.

The Israelites had to face many giants as they worked their way to the promised land and the same is true today as we work towards our pursuit of obedience. Your pursuit of obedience will not be met without opposition. What I love about the Lord is that even in our opposition, again, He is working for our greater good. Sometimes the Lord uses the trying times to further reveal the parts of our hearts that are still untouched. The parts of us that He’s trying to capture, heal, or refine if we’d only let Him.

I was reminded in Numbers 16:12-14 how it’s so much easier for us to look back and romanticize what has been rather than look ahead to what our future could hold. The Israelites looked back on their captivity with a fondness for the things they were asked to give up, rather than focusing on the greater promises that were coming. It was easier to remember what was and to reminisce rather than remember the fact that their bondage was the very thing that destroyed their souls. Sometimes we do the same with God. In our discontentment, it’s a breeding ground for holding on to our distorted views.

It’s not always an easy area of Scripture to tackle, but I loved that what I was asked to speak on included chapters regarding the different priestly duties. The principles found in the instructions given to the priests has become meaningful to me as I think about the call that God has for me and the struggles that I face in my own insecurities as I push forward.

Exhortations like in Numbers 18:1 remind me of the seriousness of the responsibility that God placed on those chosen Levites. Our obedience comes with an important responsibility too. Though we don’t follow these same systems today, the truth is still there that we have mandates to follow that have been given to us from God’s word.

What I love about what we see in the laws regarding the priesthood is that it was impossible for any of this to take place without total and utter dependency upon God. No priest could ever keep himself pure without depending on God to sustain him. It seems overwhelming, but what I always get out of these passages is that for anyone of us, whatever God is calling us to do – He is going to equip us. He wouldn’t ask us to pursue something that we wouldn’t be able to accomplish in His strength and with His help.

I think one of the things we can take for granted and quickly glance over when we read the Scriptures is just how often God has invited us to join us on mission with Him. Do we even understand what that means? We can’t experience the benefits and power of the Holy Spirit working within us in the comfort of our own complacency or isolation. In seasons where we feel like we’re lacking direction, it’s often the time that God wants us to press in deeper to show us that lasting contentment comes from knowing Him.

One of my favorite areas to meditate over comes from Numbers 18:20. The priests were given position but not possessions in the land of promise. The Lord was taking His people day by day into a place of great abundance. We know that our God owns it all and He was setting them up to be victors and possessors of all the goodness of the land they’d inhabit. I find it so interesting that while the majority were given such a great physical promise, the Lord took the time to think of something else for His set apart ones. Though the Levites would have no physical possessions of their own, God promised to be their portion and their reward.

Of all the things He could’ve given to them as owner and Creator of all, He chose to give His people more of Himself. That should shake us and wake us up to what our priorities should really revolve around. In their daily obedience to perform the Lord’s commands, they would experience literally every need being met in the process. So much so that before they could even declare a need, God had already written a law that provided for these chosen ones. Isn’t that just what God does for us today?

Before we even speak a need, He knows it. Before we even get to cry out, He’s already been making provision for the best answer. As we choose to walk in obedience, God meets us with more of Himself in this same way too. The pursuit of Him through our obedience is the goal for our lives here on earth. Though we don’t follow all the same practices or rituals today, I pray that our hearts would be equally devoted and sold out in our pursuit of Him. As we yield to be His vessel of honor, God can truly do the unimaginable with us!

Another Year, Another Mission!

Dear Friends,

I am excited to share with you that I have the opportunity to join in on another mission this year. I will be heading to Guatemala from October 15^th – 22^nd to take part in a specialized trip meant to serve women who are coming out of sex trafficking and other abusive backgrounds. My team and I will be partnering with Calvary Chapel La Esperanza while on the grounds. To fulfill my requirement, I will need to fundraise $1,200 by October to make this a reality. All funds raised will be used to help make an impact on the lives of these special women.

This trip means a lot to me personally. I have dreamed of going to Guatemala for this very purpose – to see the work that has been done through the Lighthouse ministry which helps serve women coming out of the sex trade. This mission feels like it’s already been crafted to the interests and burdens of my heart, and I can’t wait to play a small part in helping these women know that there is a greater future in store for them!

My team and I will have the chance to participate in several different types of outreaches during our stay. For those women who have experienced abuses, we will be assisting in a seminar through Trees of Hope Counseling, which will be extended to the women within the church at Calvary Chapel La Esperanza as well. We will also have the opportunity to do outreach with the women on the streets and minister to those who’ve been rescued and are now in the Lighthouse ministry.

If you didn’t know, it’s been discovered that 1 in 4 women will experience some form of sexual assault or abuse in their lifetime. I hope those statistics shock you as much as they continue to shock me! They are not just numbers, but real lives of women who deserve to know that true relief and healing can be found.

This trip is another stepping stone for me as I work toward my dream of having a rescue home for trafficked women here in South Florida. I’ve been busy in my spare time doing my part to continue equipping myself with more knowledge, classes, resources, etc. that will better help me serve women who’ve experienced great trauma within human trafficking. My heart is to invest in young women and it’s something I am actively involved in here at home. I’ve come across my share of women who have experienced their own abuses as I’ve mentored over the years, and I know that this will be another avenue to help me better grow, understand, and serve those I encounter daily.

I’m grateful for the chance to be able to take my passions globally and help equip women to make a lasting impact in their own cities as well. I am looking forward to learning from those who have gone before me as I pursue the details of what my own program could look like in the future.

Thank you for considering contributing to my efforts and for trusting me with your donations! Please don’t hesitate to contact me if you would like any further information. I would love to speak with you!

I appreciate your prayers as I move forward in this process and I look forward to sharing my stories when I return.

Thankful For You,

Nicole

***Donations of cash or check can be given to me directly or made online via this link: https://my.calvaryftl.org/portal/mission_trip_giving.aspx?filter=campaign:228%7Cpledge:0%7Camounthttps://missions.calvaryftl.org/Missions/Details/37567

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice. – Proverbs 31:8-9

 

Snap Out and Suit Up!

** (Inspired by 1 Kings 19)

I love how specific the Lord is with us, even when we least expect it, or (if we’re honest to say) even when we harbor unbelief in our hearts. He cares to show us He’s there, He’s listening, and that He always has something for us to take away from the living Word regardless of what we may or may not “feel.”  If I’m being transparent, I wasn’t expecting to hear anything from Him in this passage. I’ve had a bit of a dry season lately, and at times, it’s been hard to push through to find that “rhema” word that speaks to my heart. I’m grateful for the times when the pages of Scripture just seem to jump off and speak straight into my soul. Days like today where I can’t deny that the Lord has clearly spoken and there’s a sense of His intimacy and closeness that just fills every part of me. How privileged we are that the very Lord of the universe chooses to be so near to us!

Regardless of the rut I’ve been sitting in, today, I felt this strong sense of the Lord calling me to literally “snap out of it” and suit up for the fight as I read this familiar story in 1 Kings 19. I know the calling the Lord has given me, but like Elijah, at times, I allow myself to veer off track if I’m not careful to guard my mind from the negative feelings that can so easily consume my thoughts. Without the power of the Spirit freshly operating in me, it’s easy to get stuck in the slump of what I feel rather than believing the truth. What we believe about ourselves in our emotions can be so deceitful as we place them under the light of the truth of the Word of God. So often we gravitate towards believing the lies rather than truths the Lord has already spoken over us. Surely a tool the enemy enjoys using to cripple us and the work of our ministry.

Most of us are familiar with 1 Kings 18 and the triumphant scene of good(YHWH) defeating evil(Baal). The Lord has shown up for his prophet Elijah, literally in the form of fire from heaven for the masses to see! I can’t imagine what a picture this must’ve been in person, and how Elijah felt seeing the Lord come through his prophetic word in such a grand display.

As someone with a prophetic gift, it’s a scary thing at times (ok, for me most of the time) to speak to someone on behalf of a word or verse the Lord has given me. The last thing I want to portray is someone who “knows it all,” or if I’m being completely honest – I don’t want to look like a total fool either. But time and time again, the Lord has shown me that if I’m faithful to simply be His messenger (as He asks), He will be faithful to accomplish His will – and all the glory goes to Him. That’s always what the focus should be anyways!

There are plenty of times I don’t understand why God has chosen to speak to me about someone or a situation. But each time, He’s been gracious to show me that I’ve heard correctly. I can’t describe the joy I feel in my heart when I see a timely word given does in fact have meaning for the receiver. The gift of prophecy not only edifies the church, but for me, it has greatly helped increase my trust, intimacy, and confidence with the Lord. I’m humbled that He chooses to use us as His messengers when He clearly doesn’t have to. There are greater things He desires to show us if we’re willing to listen. I think even for myself how often I can push aside His words, discounting that He really has spoken to me. But we’re the ones who miss out on these blessings when we refuse an invitation to join with God on an opportunity for ministry. I love the boldness we see in Elijah as he calls upon the Lord and waits with great patience and confidence for a response.

But even with such a grand display by God before Elijah’s eyes, Chapter 19 moves into a more somber scene. Elijah’s life has been threatened and he quickly forgets all that he’s just experienced with God by his side. I can really relate to how Elijah feels in these moments. I sometimes forget after a great spiritual victory, I can also overlook the works of God and what He has just accomplished before me. If not on guard, I’ll quickly fall into a mindset that allows a foothold for the enemy to creep back into my thought life.

I see someone like Elijah struggling in these first few verses, and it brings me relief to know I’m not the only one who’s made the same mistake. I love that the Bible allows us to see his struggle so openly. It brings me a sense of comfort to know as spiritual leaders, we’re all in this fight together. When the Scriptures tell us that Elijah was a man just like us (James 5:17), these are the types of moments I’m reminded of and reflect on for myself. This is where I learn both the example to follow and the mistakes to avoid. It’s so easy to judge those we read about, but I’m grateful for their raw example we have the chance to catch a glimpse of. Those we read about on the pages of Scripture are not some unrealistic superheroes of faith – to me, they are so deeply relatable!

After Elijah heard the threats made on his life and reacted to them, I noticed a few things that struck me in the text. It says Elijah “arose,” “ran for his life,” “left his servant there,” and “he himself went a full day’s journey into the wilderness.” …He left in such a panic. He left no time to reason if he was overreacting or to investigate if the threats were even valid. Instead of seeking the Lord for counsel first, he left by himself. Imagine, God’s own prophet forgetting to consult with Him directly. That’s as real as it gets. I think of my own life and how at times I’d also forget to inquire of the Lord the direction I should take. In the midst of his panic, Elijah also forfeited the chance to even seek wise counsel within his own inner circle and remained in a state where he was separated from community in his time of trial.

I’ve been feeling a similar way lately. There’s been a gap in my life that I’m noticing needs to be looked at. As I’ve served and invested in others over the years, I’ve learned how important it is to be around those who are mature in the Lord and can help you remain encouraged or grounded in this walk as well. There are times when you just need to be around those who can also lay some wisdom down in your life. I’m being called to rise in different areas of my walk and taking greater steps of faith to obey what I’m called to pursue. With all that’s been entrusted to me, I’ve been desiring to have a consistent presence of another who could help advise and support the visions the Lord has been filling my heart with in this season.

I’m surrounded by incredible women, I truly am blessed to know some amazing people. But in this age and stage of life, it’s getting more difficult as a single to maintain contact with those I share a deeper connection with. As new relationships, marriage, and children begin to be the focus, it’s easy to let those life changes make me feel isolated. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that sometimes I do feel lonely. I know how to recognize these feelings for the lie that they are, because I know the truth is that I’m not alone. But in all honesty, between my family life and now the age group that I’m in, I do often have to remind myself of the truth. We all have those days like Elijah, where we let the lies take a grip over our minds – though I’m not proud to confess how easily I can let that happen to me.

Like Elijah, it’s easy to fall into a trap to think you are the only one left. The only one chasing after what God has spoken, asked, or the only one going through a situation. Elijah’s response to God of “I alone am left,” was a blind spot he, in his isolation, failed to see. The truth we see within these verses here is that there was a remnant left behind who had a similar heart and shared the convictions of Elijah. If only Elijah had stuck around town long enough to see this truth.

I love that in his deepest and darkest hour of doubt, God decides to meet Elijah with His very voice and presence. It’s a true testament and example to what we need in our own lives to get through our toughest days – the very presence of God. HE is what brings change to our situation. HE is the light that shows us the way of our path. HE is our source of security. I so love that of all things He could do, God gave to Elijah pieces of Himself for comfort. There is no greater gift.

I love that in our err and insecurity, God still allows us to state our truths (however flawed they may be) before Him. He can handle our thoughts – unfiltered and raw. He welcomes the communication even when our judgement is severely clouded. Elijah shared his pain and frustration with God directly and that’s a reminder for us as well. Where do we turn to vent our frustrations? Who or where do we look toward as that source of comfort for us? Far too often, in our culture, God is not the first place we seek. It takes time and practice for it to become a habit, but when we get there, it’s the sweetest place to be. He’s often had to put me in situations where I’ve been alone so that I learn that HE really is all that I have and all that I need. As an only child, I’m terribly stubborn, and I often need to be taught lessons over and over again until they sink in.

I love that even though Elijah is supposed to be this strong spiritual leader and spokesperson for God, the Lord didn’t shame him for running away. We fully see the depth of Elijah’s humanity in this chapter. God simply spoke to him with a sense of authority and gave him the next assignment. It blows my mind that here, literally in the midst of  current failure, The Lord still has so much grace left. He has so much grace left for us. A truth I can never fully wrap my mind around yet take for granted too often!

In this season, I feel like I’ve dropped the ball in a few areas of my life that God has asked me to pursue. If I’m being completely transparent, I’ve been feeling some guilt regarding that lately. Praise the Lord that He doesn’t hold our failures against us. It gives me hope to know that God can give me assignments to pursue again – just like He did with Elijah.

It helps me to see Elijah’s stance as he wraps his face in his mantle before God. The Lord of the universe was gracious enough to reveal Himself even though He’s not obligated to. It’s a reminder for me to remember the reverence due to God and to know my place and position in light of His grand glory. How often we…I…take for granted the reverence that He deserves. He is the ultimate measure of holiness, and in that, encompasses everything that makes Him my best friend, Savior, and Lord of my life. He deserves every ounce of honor that I can bring to Him at any given time.

As you work through your own calling and work of the ministry, never be so prideful as to think like Elijah (or myself), “I alone am left.” While Elijah was busy proving the existence of the one true God to the masses, the Lord had already been raising up an army of 7,000 faithful believers– ones who also never bowed a knee to the idols nor fled their potential persecution like Elijah did.

When we’re so prideful to think on any level that “we’re it!” – that’s a dangerous place to dwell in. My own flaws never allow me to truly believe that I’m “all that,” on the contrary, I struggle with why God asks things of me when I feel like there’s no way I’m the right person for the task. I’m terribly shy, a fumbled speaker, and much like a Moses – I question God constantly with my abilities.

He often pushes me to have the hard conversations with people, to confront injustices, and to speak through my fears. I’ve learned over time though, that despite my insecurities, God knows I will follow through with what He’s asking. He’s constantly sending me beyond my comfort zone and I tend to sometimes fuss along the way. Regardless of my fears though, it’s a place I love to be in because there’s the greatest growth. Over the past couple of years, I’ve really been intentional to work through my fear. I’ve told the Lord that I never want to miss an opportunity that He’s given me and that I will use every platform He ordains for me despite my own insecurities.

The excitement in life comes when we truly embrace this glorious adventure with Him. There’s wisdom when we recognize where we’re at in our walk with the Lord and are honest about the seasons we’re going through. This walk is all about refinement and we’ll always need those in community around us to speak into our situations and help us push forward. The Lord has so beautifully crafted and gifted the church for this very purpose in service to one another.

Never assume that you are the only one that God has put in place to use for His purposes. There are many around you who are also trying to navigate through the different calls and commands of God even when it seems like you’re all by yourself. The Lord always has a remnant of faithful followers that He is building up to be on mission for the Kingdom. They may seemingly live in the shadows, but in reality, are carrying out their devoted faithfulness to God in the midst of doing everyday life.

I desire to live this way – to be one of those who serve in the shadows of ministry. I respect those most who don’t seek position or prominence and simply operate in their faithfulness and allegiance to the Lord alone. These are the ones who serve in the trenches and impact the lives of others daily – out of the way of a public platform or spotlight. The rewards are always the greatest for the servants of Christ. When you allow your everyday witness to impact the world, the ripple effect it has is endless. Jesus used twelve ordinary men to reach an entire world, and He chooses to use our faithfulness and obedience to influence our world today too.

Perhaps faithfulness, obedience, and humility were some of the reasons God was choosing to equip Elisha all along his journey. When the time came to operate as Elijah’s successor, he would be capable – not because of his own abilities, but because the Spirit of the living God would be resting upon him. God would use Elisha and entrust him with the very presence and power of Himself in the works to come.

It’s reading passages like this that fuels my fire for discipleship and mentorship. I feel like in our country we are surrounded by a church culture addicted to consumerism. Everything has to speak to us personally or we’re not satisfied. The presentation has to be of the highest quality or we’re disconnected and unimpressed by the experience. We’ve left the pure Word to attract the consumers of the world. Our entitled mindset completely misses the call of Christ that requires death to self in order to truly live. We’ve missed the mark on the command to make disciples and instead settle for the mass of converts who aid in continuing the cycle of consumerism that has crept its way into church culture today.

I often carry a burden questioning where my fellow peers are who are ready to engage in this spiritual battle?  Why are more who have been well invested in not rising to disciple, multiply, and teach in the ways we have been commissioned to by the very Savior we claim? This deep conviction fuels my heart to really consider, who are those around me that I am raising up in each season to also be a warrior? To never settle in a state of comfortability. I want to be someone who has a plethora of influence for the Kingdom. Not for my own namesake, but so that when God challenges me to pass along my mantle, I won’t be in short supply of laborers who have devoted their lives, hearts, and desires to the things of the Kingdom. For His sake alone.

We shouldn’t be satisfied with numbers, converts, and the comfortability around us. The Scriptures don’t paint a picture of a life that will cater to us through our call – it demands a life of continual sacrifice. Sacrifice only comes at the cost of letting go of something that holds value to us – like our comfortability.

I am so convicted at the quality of disciples we are making around us. Do we even care to examine why we’ve dropped the ball on this in today’s church? Are we simply satisfied continuing on in programs that yield minimal fruit? Would we even notice if we were no longer operating in the power of the Holy Spirit? Worse yet, would we still be satisfied to continue on if that were the truth?

I want to be one who even in my own struggles, burdens, or failures allows God to use that as fuel for me to raise up fellow workers, mentors, and disciplers for the Kingdom. Simply true and devoted lovers of our Jesus who live with uncompromising convictions. Lord knows I need that prayer as a constant reminder for myself. I’ve learned to embrace the part of me that fumbles along the way. I want others to see that you don’t have to be perfect to pursue the greater things of the Kingdom. If I can inspire even one heart to take a leap of faith, then it’s worth the vulnerability. May we never lose sight of the importance of our call to discipleship. As Elijah partnered in a ministry of mentorship, may we never cease releasing our mantle to the generations set before us.

The Super Bowl and Sex Trafficking

The Super Bowl is one of our most recognized days here in the United States. It has the makings of a perfect celebration filled with football, food, fellowship and fun! In our preparations to create the perfect atmosphere, there’s a darker side to the day that is also planned for. There is an inevitable spike in the human trafficking industry that has both law enforcement and traffickers alike planning for the big event.

Sex trafficking is identified when someone uses force, fraud, or coercion to cause a commercial sex act with an adult or minor.  This can look like anything from prostitution, pornography, or exchanging sexual services for any item of value (money, drugs, food, shelter, etc.).

The Super Bowl and sex trafficking may not have crossed your mind as something that’s connected, but the reality is, an increase in sex trafficking is expected, organized, and does occur on the heels of any major sporting event. Those unfamiliar with the sex trade may confine the crime only to places abroad like Brazil or India, but we’ve learned through the years that this crime exists and thrives on our soil.

It’s these kinds of sporting events that draw large numbers of sex buyers – and traffickers know this well. The supply for sex trafficking exists only because there is a demand for it. Human trafficking is the second largest criminal industry in the world (next only to drug trafficking). It has the potential to rise to the top as traffickers realize the value of purchasing people over produced goods. An ounce of any drug can only be produced and sold once, but a human can be bought, sold and marketed to be used multiple times a day. This reasoning and income potential of the industry has been enough to form the most depraved business idea straight from the depths of hell.

It’s been these very encounters with such darkness that have shaken me to my core. I first learned about this issue over ten years ago while in college. The knowledge of those suffering in sex, labor, and domestic slavery was something that I couldn’t ignore. Life couldn’t go on as normal now that I knew the reality that millions face each day. After much wrestling in prayer, I came to a place where I knew I was being asked to rise and be a voice for those who had none.

As someone whose testimony has had its share of injustices, I grew up with a heart wanting to protect the innocent and vulnerable child. I had no idea that God would develop this desire to bring me to a place of passionately pursuing justice, freedom, and restoration for those enslaved.

I have this passion to fight, but let me tell you, I am the least qualified! I struggle often with my own lack – lack of knowledge, experience, and credentials. I’m painfully shy and not a gifted speaker. An introvert at heart, and one who too often questions if God has really chosen me for the task. But, I have seen the faithfulness of the Lord to simply use our willingness and obedience.

I say this for you who may read this and identify with some of your own weaknesses that have held you back from fully following the call God has placed on your life. Have you ever asked yourself, what has God burdened my heart for? There is something He will reveal that you’ll be accountable to. It’s a heavy truth, but an even greater blessing!

The God of the universe wants to use broken, flawed, inexperienced people like us to carry out His greater purposes and to reflect His Kingdom here on earth. Even with my own insecurities, as a lover of Jesus, I just can’t sit idly by that invitation. There is great freedom in knowing that His call doesn’t rely on my effort or experience, but on His ability to equip and empower me for what He’s asked me to pursue. Any pressure to “perform” is taken off me and rests solely in His capable hands. The same is true for you too!

It’s that very truth that brought me to one of the most memorable experiences I’ve ever had. Last year, I had the opportunity to step out of my comfort zone in a new way and take part in a trip that ministered to women in the red-light districts of the Philippines.

I asked the Lord for some specific things prior to leaving – to give me the names of women I’d meet beforehand, to provide excess funds to bless the women, to see just one girl leave the district – among other prayers. Not only did the Lord answer every request, but He used my time there to break down and reshape my heart to a place of utter and absolute awe of HIM.

Sex trafficking survivors are the strongest women I’ve ever met. There’s no amount of comfort or healing apart from Jesus Christ that could repair the damage done to a soul who’s experienced such unspeakable acts. I met many women with unique stories of rescue, redemption, and testimonies of God answering her cries for help.

There was one woman specifically who showed me the greatest story of redemption I’d ever seen, we’ll call her “Lucy.” As a teen, Lucy was sold by a relative and told she was being sent to the city to work as a waitress, but her relative knew the truth – she was going to the red-light district where she’d be sold for the pleasure of foreign men. She was forced to dance in a dirty bar and would be sold for sex whenever there was a buyer.

She arrived a virgin and was sold to a man who took her to a nearby hotel and raped her. The abuse didn’t end in one night – she was held captive in this room for weeks! When she was finally set free, she heard of a place that could take her in and give her a new start with no questions asked. It was a Christian organization, they introduced her to Jesus, and she was able to experience His love for herself.

Fast forward years later, and the woman I met had the most joyous, bubbly, and loving personality. I had the pleasure of serving with her when I did my outreach in the districts. I was with a handful of rescued women who were now going back into their place of enslavement to help bring others out. Not going to a place like where they were kept – but to the very place that they were held captive! I still can’t wrap my mind around what that fully means for these women.

Lucy was one who was burdened to go back and rescue others. I had the sweetest time with her as we’d walk up and down the street doing our outreaches and learning more about her story. It was on my last evening there that she stopped to show me something. We passed by this specific hotel every night we were in the city, and now, she stopped to share with me this story and show me the place where she was held. My heart sank into my stomach. I was staring at the place where my sister was captive. I was walking by this place every day…. not even I, but SHE. Every time she does these outreaches, every time she’s in this city, every time she steps out to obey her calling and walks by this place that was once her torture. I’ve never known strength like that. I’ve never seen a heart that was pulled from such darkness and now desired to bring others into the light with such intentionality.

Jesus. Jesus is the only explanation that there is that can bring a heart back full circle like this. Lucy showed me a picture of Jesus here on earth. One who fights through the darkness to bring us into the light, who offers forgiveness to the most undeserving, and lets nothing come between the mission that the Father has given.

Each of these women have a story. They all deserve the chance to be free. You don’t have to go across the world to make a difference, it begins right here at home. Just by reading this, you now know. You know there is a problem and that people are being purchased. The good news, however, is that you are the solution.

So what can you do?

Look for the signs. There are countless organizations that can teach you what to look for in a trafficking victim – Exodus Cry, Shared Hope International, A21, International Justice Mission, etc. are filled with resources that can educate you.

Be a voice. As you learn more about the issue of human trafficking, share it with others. There are still so many who don’t know this is a real global problem.

Support financially. There are organizations working on the front lines who could use your financial support to continue doing the job of setting captives free. Support local missions, missionaries, ministries, and nonprofits that are actively involved in the rescue and restoration of those who are trafficked.

Preventative care. Sponsoring a child through an organization like Compassion International or becoming involved as a local mentor to youth erases the vulnerability of the next generation. Foster teens and runaways also greatly need your time and influence. As you invest in others, you take away the desire to seek unhealthy attention elsewhere, which is how so many young victims get taken advantage. You don’t have to be perfect to mentor, you just need to be willing to walk alongside the brokenness.

Prayerfully consider how you can join in on the fight against this modern-day slavery and take action. The fight for justice starts with the first step and restoring hope for one person.

Struggling Servant

“When the master of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and did not know where it came from (but the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom. ” – John 2:9

Have you ever felt like you’ve been left behind? Like there is so much going on for everyone else, but for one reason or another, you’re left on the sidelines to watch? In John 2, when Jesus performs His first miracle in Cana, it’s these very types of people – the servants, who get to experience His miracle from beginning to end. That alone speaks to me on so many levels!

The servants at this wedding are the ones in the background – probably overlooked and unacknowledged. It’s easy to feel that way in life or in ministry – like what you do doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t seem to matter to others so it must not matter to God. As these servants worked within their roles, perhaps they saw the celebration happening and wondered why they don’t have the chance to join in the way that everyone else does? I’ve been there as I’ve looked on the joys of others and wished I could experience those same things…playing the comparison game and wondering why my life looks a bit different than the majority…

Yet in this chapter, I see a most profound picture that the God of the universe chooses to show us within His first miracle. These are the very types of people who are the ones who get to experience something unique with Jesus! The ones in the background – the ones who may feel overlooked, yet walk in obedience to the word of the Lord. Those who are listening for His voice and to His voice, even when the whole picture isn’t there and it doesn’t make sense.

Obedience brought this miracle to sight and into life. It wasn’t until the master of the banquet tasted the water that it transformed into wine. It was an opportunity for the servants to be included in a piece of the celebration through an act of obedience, but most importantly, it created an opportunity for deeper intimacy with Jesus himself. That is the goal of any interaction that we have with Jesus, whether seemingly mundane or miraculous, to reach a place of depth and intimacy that we haven’t known before. Every encounter should deepen our faith, hope, and trust in Him.

Jesus invited these servants to take part in the miracle in accordance to their belief. But the servants had to count the cost for themselves. Do they follow Jesus’ word that may bring shame, embarrassment, or consequence if nothing happens? Or would they move forward in obedience? The servants understood their role in relation to the Master and walked forward with His voice and instruction. That led to witnessing the miracle.

I think of my own experiences and how true these principles are for me. It’s often when I feel like I don’t matter that God steps in to show me just how much He cares. That I am not overlooked and He desires to involve me in His work just as much as the next person. Comparison can be a killer. Obedience can bring fullness of joy. The key is to listen for His voice and not be afraid to respond as He speaks. I find myself often feeling like the least likely option that God can use, and I love so much that here is yet another example in the Scriptures of God using the outcasted and including them in His plans.

If you find yourself struggling in the position of servant, you’re in good company. Don’t let it stop you from experiencing the work of the Lord or from hearing His voice. Lean into your position as servant, yield to it, and watch what Jesus does with a heart that is willing to serve and look foolish for the sake of the Kingdom. You are not overlooked. You are not forgotten. You are a priority in the eyes of Jesus Christ…one who is not set aside, but set apart.

Consider Joining Me!

“Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.” – Proverbs 31:8-9

My Dear Friends,

I would like to invite you to consider partnering with me on a journey that I have been called to take this Fall. I will be traveling on September 16^th for two weeks to the Philippines to participate in a unique trip to encourage and empower young women who have been freed from the sex trafficking trade. To fulfill my requirement, I will need to fundraise $4000  by September in order to make this a reality. All funds raised will be used to help make an impact in the lives of these rescued women.

This trip is especially meaningful to me! Most people who know me know that I have a dream to run my own safe home for trafficked women. I feel called to be a voice for those enslaved, and desire to see them be set completely free from the physical, mental, and emotional horrors that surround the sex trade.

I’ve been actively involved in this arena and hope to continue growing in my knowledge and experiences to better help these women along the way. Last year, I participated in a training that allowed me to facilitate activities for those who’ve experienced great brokenness in their lives. During this time, I was deeply impacted and developed a greater personal passion to help women address the areas in their lives that are still in need of restoration.

During my time in the Philippines I’ll have the opportunity to use that very training I received to host a special retreat for these rescued women. I’m looking forward to bringing a new perspective and to see them flourish with the knowledge that they are loved and cared for by the One who knows them best. I will be partnering with an organization who is locally on the grounds in Manila. They currently have multiple safe homes which offers those rescued a place of hope, discipleship, access to education, and the safety to experience a fresh start. These courageous women have a desire to go back and reach others who are still in the trade, and that is what excites me most about my journey! My heart is to invest in young women and it’s something I try to actively live out here at home. I’m grateful for the chance to be able to take my passions across the world and help these women make a lasting impact in their own cities. I’m looking forward to serving and learning from those who’ve gone before me as I pursue the planning of my own safe home.

In addition to working in these homes, I will be participating in nightly outreaches in the local red light districts. There are thousands who are confined within these tourist districts, and it’s foreigners like myself, who are granted access to freely approach and engage in conversation with these women. Though it is rare, there have been instances of immediate rescue, and that is one of my prayers while I am there – to have the chance to see the beginning of new life being restored. Though the trip lasts a couple of weeks, I am hopeful that it will have an eternal impact. This is not just an ordinary trip for me, but one that I believe will help shape the course of my future.

I’m grateful that you would consider contributing to my efforts and I thank you for trusting me with your donations. Please contact me if you would like more information, I would love to speak with you! Donations can be made via cash, check, PayPal, through the cash app, or directly via this link: Adventures In Missions Please contact me directly for information on how you can contribute. I appreciate your prayers as I move forward in this process and look forward to sharing my stories when I return!

Thankful For You,

Nicole 

P.S.  A generous friend has offered to donate 10% of all her business’ proceeds towards my fundraising from now until August 15th. If you need a customized cake or baked goods for your next gathering or event, please check out Darling Sweets Bakery! Her creations taste even better than they look!   http://www.darlingsweetsbakery.com/ 

Strength For The Storm

“On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side.” – Mark 4:35

We often minimize our view of Jesus to think of Him simply as the loving, accepting, peacemaking man that He is known to be. We paint a picture of who we want Him to be for us and remain comfortable simply settling with those “warm fuzzy” feelings which fit our ideals. We fail to grasp all that encompasses the unending depths He possesses. Within those depths, we find a God who speaks truth, offends the masses, and tests His people in a seemingly unending series of events. While that may be unsettling to hear, it doesn’t come without divine purpose.

The same God whose judgement raised Lazarus from the dead is the same God who allowed Joseph to be sold from the pit. He sees our individual situation, He knows what each one of us needs to be reached, and He’s not afraid to go to great lengths to get us to the place of His calling. There undeniably will be great highs and lows as a follower of Christ. This same God who loves and accepts us will also test us— and test us deeply! We are not immune to the trials and tragedies of life, but instead are fully equipped to face them.

Jesus calming the storm in Mark 4 is a story that is all too familiar to most Christians. As His word is filled with the living Spirit, it does not fail to speak regardless of familiarity. In this season, I’ve gleaned a great truth from this short declaration of Jesus as He tells the disciples “Let us go across to the other side.”

There is a common phrase spoken among church circles that says, “if you’re not coming out of a storm, you’re heading into one.” I laughed at the whimsy of this statement the first time I heard it, but remain fixed on its reality. As followers of Christ, navigating through storms should become second nature, as it’s ingrained into the DNA of the believer. Sometimes we create these storms, sometimes we’re tossed into them, and sometimes they are carefully ordained for us to wrestle through.

Mark 4:35 was an example of just that, that sometimes Jesus will send us directly into the storm. Why would a loving Lord do such a thing to His beloved? That’s a question we can all wrestle with if we’re being honest about the trials we face. We know the truth in our heads and hearts, but do we experience the reality of who He is when it’s time for our faith to face opposition? This simple verse brought such comfort to my soul as I meditated on what that statement really meant of Jesus’ direction to His disciples.

We cannot skim over the fact that Jesus knows us so intimately. He knows who we are, what we’re made of, what we’ll face, what we can handle, what we’ll be tested with, what we will learn, among many others things. And so, with all His foresight and knowledge, He chooses to usher us into the storm with confidence, equipment, direction, and faith.

A seemingly normal day in the life and ministry of Jesus and His disciples was coming to a close. The start of the chapter shows us a day filled with many spiritual teachings and revealing of deeper truths. The evening was upon them and they knew they must head out for the night, however, Jesus knew there was still more that needed to be done in the hearts of His beloved.

I find it interesting that we know this test came in the evening. When I think of the long days I have during times of ministering to others, as much enjoyment as I get from it, there is no denying the exhaustion that can accompany a life in full time ministry. When I think of the end of the day, it’s that proverbial deeply breathed sigh and release that comes from knowing some relaxation waits for me at home. It’s the time I am least aware, on guard, equipped, or mindful of my surroundings as my missional mind focuses on one thing—how quickly I can return to my own place of comfort.

I can’t imagine the thoughts of the disciples were too far off from mine after their day of intense investment in the crowds. How they too must have longed for the comfort and relaxation of knowing the job was well done, and their time of stillness could begin. I love that it’s in these moments that Jesus decides to orchestrate this storm for them to go through. It’s such a picture of who we are—of who I know I can be. We give God our all with joy, gladness, and sincerity of heart, but we can also give Him time constraints. We can preach the sermon, perform the service, do the good deed, and punch off the clock when our time is through without realizing that’s what our mindset has become.

The testing reveals what is already sown in our hearts. And the real test will come in those times, as in the evening, when we feel least prepared to tackle them. When we are tired, weary, and weak… will the same words that flowed through us on the bright Sunday morning get us through the darkness of the mid-week storm? This is a truth we will only come to see for ourselves if we’re given a storm to face in our moments of weakness, exhaustion, or frustration. Do the words that I sing of His faithfulness still come through me when I can’t see past the darkness one foot in front of me?

Jesus had just finished revealing to them the meaning behind the parable of the sower, along with the importance of being a light in the darkness, and having faith like a mustard seed. Seeing this all aligned together, I almost couldn’t think of a more perfect time to see a test take place. The disciples had just spent the day hearing the revelation of how the scattered seeds of the Word of God take root in our hearts, and now it was their time to be tested in this. What faith did they already possess? What needed to grow? What reaction would come from a group of believers once they were tossed into the unknown together? What or who would be their first cry to respond? These are all things that can only be revealed about ourselves when we’re put into the same types of situations.

There is no designated time for ministry to take place as if on or off the clock, and we are without excuse as the believer to live off guard if we truly look at the depths of what’s written in the Word. It was in these difficult moments that Jesus revealed to them where they lacked substance—in their faith, and then showed them His power to conquer over all things, even in nature. That is the nature of our God. Though He tries and tests, He points out what needs to be broken down within us in order that He can build us back up. What do you know needs to change about yourself? What lie(s) are you believing that say you’ll always be this way? Allow Him the space to show you the depths of His power and authority over your own life, as He did with the disciples.

Our loving Savior will stop at no lengths to purify, build, shape, and restore the believer, no matter the cost! One of the most powerful scenes in this passage is knowing that Jesus had the foresight to stand on one side of the shore, to look head on at what His disciples would face in between, and finishes with “see you on the other side.” What a powerful, quiet, confidence that flows from the mouth of our Lord. Victory was already handed to them before they even had a taste of the storm. Every situation you’ve ever faced was met with this same type of reassurance. Jesus saw you, your situation, and had the foresight to know you’d make it through. Don’t skim over that, there’s so much power and truth to that statement. He has confidence in you, He sees you, knows you, is rooting for you, and in the testing desires to build you to be the soldier you were called to resemble.

Strength of character cannot be built in the stillness. It only has the chance to grow when it is tried, tested, and stretched seemingly beyond capacity. It is in these times where we are most uncomfortable that we have the capability to show our potential and discover what has already been inside of us. Jesus directs you with the same confident assurance that though you may be weary, tried, and tested, He will see you on the other side. Regardless of past, current, or future storms you’ve faced there is always a greater work happening, and often times much bigger than we are ever aware of!

Let us seek to know Him deeper, to experience the unknown, and to be boldly filled with the faith He desires for us. This was part of the foundation Jesus was building to prepare them for even greater acts of faith and service to come. Had the disciples not seen this particular storm, they would have never realized the depths of the divine authority bestowed upon Jesus, as they saw before their own eyes creation being calmed by the very One whose words spoke it into existence.